Orville

The following is a dramatization of the letter I am never going to send to Mr. Orville Redenbacher following a traumatic experience at work.

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Dear Mr. Redenbacher (if that is really your real name, doesn't seem real),

I recently was at my local grocer of choice and picked up a 4 pack of your 100 calorie kettle corn boxes.

I am constantly on the run and having a quick, low-cal snack is always a great option, and what beats some sweat and salty popcorn? Answer: Nothing.

Now, I am not writing this to praise your ability to create low-calorie snacks, no no Big Red, I am writing to get my name cleared.

On one random afternoon while I work I had a Pooh Bear moment, I found myself with a  "rumbly in my tummbly".

 

So I grabbed a pack and made a v-line for the break room.  

100-calories of torture is what this is
I read the directions and it said it only needed a minute and a half of popping time for perfect popping perfection.  WRONG MR. BIG RED, WRONG!

I must digress, anyway, after a minute and half of popping, I grabbed the bag out of the microwave and made my way back to the hexagon.

That is where I made the biggest mistake.  Due to my swift movements, I didn't have time to realize that I had in fact burnt my popcorn, but make no mistake, every one of my collegues made sure I knew.

The tweets, texts, emails and loud exaggeretted screams made me aware that your 1 minutes and 30 second popping time was wrong.

Orville, Can I call you Orville?? I have now been dubbed the burnt popcorn queen of my station, the nick name is not something I want to share but I needed you to understand my pain.

Now, I have lost my point to this letter, but I wanted you to know that I may or may not buy your popcorn again, but LET ME TELL YOU, I WILL NOT...will not...pop it for 1 minute and 30 seconds ever again.

Thank you for your time Doctor Popcorn.  

Love Always,
An Embarrassed Employee
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Comments

  1. Susan Rubenstein - Yoga DivaFebruary 23, 2013 at 1:39 PM

    So the "pop" quiz question to your followers should be, "how the heck long should we be popping this popcorn anyway".?

    ReplyDelete

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